My Fantasy____ * 私の想像

Sacrifices - True Love

When I was young, I could remember this phrase ' sacrifice for you all ' trailing in my head. My mother was the one who told me that sentence, and it somehow got stored inside my head up till now. Of course, I was naive that time to fully understand what it truely meant. But now, as time goes by, I finally understood how painful a sacrifice or sacrifices could be. Some say it is an act of love, and sometimes greatness for some scenarios. But the main point here isn't about the cause, but actually the heart and initiative to take that very step to sacrifice oneself just for the sake of a person, love ones and the community. I was touched when I watched a video during my Leo Forum, where a rural area family feeds on leftover bones from chicken rice shops in the city. The parents gave the tender, juicy part of the chicken to their children while they just rip off a bits and pieces of meats from the chicken. And also I've read another article where a boyfriend literally starve himself just to buy his girlfriend anything that she wants. But the question is, is it due to the love for someone, or just for the sake of glory that drives them to do so?

I've been pondering about it for the past 1 hour on my bed, thinking why people do crazy things just for their love ones. Of course, if that question is asked, I will answer as a sacrifice for love, unconditional love to be exact. What I'm trying to portray here is that if that sacrifice is not appreciated AT ALL, how would you feel? I've been in that situation before which I rather not mention here. I felt kinda sad actually, although it is out of willingness, but at the same time I was satisified with what I did, because I knew I did try to do something, rather than nothing. I know that if one willing to sacrifice, I'm sure there'll be no regrets right? The initiative to take that step requires a great amount of love, willingness and generousity in order to sacrifice. Try stepping into your parents' shoes a minute and think carefully what they've sacrifice for us. Are they happy or sad with it? Then reflect that sacrifice by your parents and tally it with your reaction with what they've sacrifice for you. I think you'll feel guilty for not appreciating it. This is because when one is willing to sacrifice something, he or she will surely be thinking about you, whether you will be happy, whether you will appreciate it or not. It's life nature actually, to sacrifice for the sake of love like the story I mentioned above.

A lot of people say that the satisfaction of sacrificing is when he or she appreciates it, and givea a big smile to you the moment you sacrifice something. All the pain will be gone instantly and it's like a new life again. You won't feel miserable and disappointed with what you sacrificed. I too have the feeling of satisfaction when she appreciates what I did for her. But sometimes I would rather sacrifice in silent, just because I don't want her to suffer what I've been suffering. Yes, the process is quite hurting, but I'm sure we sacrifice for a reason. And that reason somehow negates all the pain, making us think positively when doing the sacrifice. Children nowadays tend to forget the real meaning of sacrifice, especially by their parents, while very young couples tend to forget the weightage of a sacrifice as a key to maintain a successful relationship. This is 1 point that I seen in the younger generations today. Maybe to them, it's meaningless and need not put any attention to it, but if we truely absorb and give it a thought, you will feel guilty for not appreciating it, especially when he or she who sacrificed is no longer with us. ' What if I become just a memory to you, will you appreciate me more? ' This is a phrase that I figured out myself when I wasn't really myself due to emo-ness around a week ago. I will not explain on that issue, cause it's personal. But if you think about it carefully, it applies to us all. Deep down inside us, I'm sure we didn't appreciate our parents, love ones and friends wholly. So if they one day become just a memory to us, isn't it too late to appreciate it? The only way to love someone is to realize that one day he or she will be taken away from us, forever. I'll let you do the pondering.......

So guys, please appreciate every sacrifices made for you. Albeit just a small sacrifice, it actually takes up a person's courage and strength to make that sacrifice for you. You might not know that sacrifice that he or she made for you is draining their health off, and so it will be all too late to say a simple ' Thank You ' in the end.

P/s : May the King Of Pop, Michael Jackson rest in peace. You will be remembered, and your legacy will pass on to the future generations.

-Over and Out-
(Sad Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

My memories......

Yeah you got that right, sweet memories! I just came back from 7th District 308-A2 Leo Forum, held at Santubong Resort from 6-8 July 2009 AND my ex-Leo Club, Leo Club of SMK Jalan Arang Anniversary Dinner. For the forum, my ex-school was in charge in Banquet Nite, and we really did an amazing job. It's quite shocked to see all the committees for both events work VERY hard. I remember I wasn't able to sleep for a day(slept for 10 minutes) because I was busy helping out for the Banquet Nite, coordinating the sequence of the programme and entertainment as I was appointed to take care of PA System. I drove up to Santubong with my 2 Sibu Youth Exchange friends and also a Miri Leo. Lolx! Luckily I helped out in the transportation up to Santubong too or else she will be stuck in the airport as she's the only one arriving the latest, far off late from the scheduled last bus to Santubong.

Well, things didn't go out well during the first day due to accomodation problems but it went well too. That night I wasn't able to sleep because my head is always busy thinking of the sequence of the programme, songs to play when International Director arrives and so on. So tchyeah, 10 minutes of sleep for me that night =X

So far I wasn't able to fully enjoy the 2nd day's activity because I called for a full rehearsal for the Banquet Night. I skipped the outdoor activities and seminar for rehearsal. Well, at least I get to know what's the highlight of that night in advance xD It was 5.30p.m when we did the final preparation for the night. At 6p.m I went back to my chalet and get changed into a formal attire and rush back to the venue to touch-up on the musical instruments, projector and laptops for the Banquet, making sure everything is working well. As time passes, more and more people filled up the ballroom with their best attires. Whoa, some girls actually put on make-ups as thick as cement! Scareee~ >.<
The programme went smoothly and in order. I went up on stage to do the Roll Call and I actually missed 1 of the Zone Chairperson, arghhh! Sorry Lion Eric! Luckily he didn't mind about it (>.<) So far everything is fine with the Banquet, and my ex-leo club got 4 awards this year! Congratulations to Leo Club of SMK Jalan Arang! I'm actually quite proud of them, seeing that my juniors did very well and even surpassed us seniors, it's like our hard work moulding them paid off. So yeah, when they receive their awards I cried a little. A LITTLE okayy, not so obvious! Lolx! The nite when to a close with footloose. Finally I was able to get a good sleep. If i'm not mistaken, I went back to my chalet, took off my coat and sleep straight away. I was DRAINED lahh!

The last day was quite a sad one actually. All of the Arang Leos went to the pool to have a swim and fun. And I was sitting down under a shade with my faculty advisor. I told her " This will be my last time seeing them having fun together, I will miss this part. " It's not like I'm going to die or what lah, but I will be leaving my ex-school's leo club as my membership expires this July. Although I can go back to attend their activities as a past president, but I don't think the feeling is there anymore. And now I'm going to focus on Swinburne's Leo Club instead, so I was quite sad to be departing from them. Sigh... I drove down from santubong about 1p.m and went out with my Youth Exchange friends, accompanying them till 7p.m as their flight is at 9p.m. Here are some photos during the forum. I wasn't able to take most of the photos as I was quite busy.

Me and Voon Chin

Me and Dixon Fong

Me on stage facing 525 people

===================================================================

That's about the forum, and now to the Anniversary dinner. It was held at Sarawak Club on the 11th June 2009. All the past presidents went for that anniversary dinner, and I mean all 6 of them. Cool eh? Nothing much to talk about that dinner as it's basically eating and entertainment only. So i'll let the photos do the talking for me cause I'm sure ya'll are bored of me yapping in this whole post.

Me and Aaron

Me representing Leo Club of Swinburne

The senior Leos

All the 6 Presidents with our beloved faculty advisor

Me and Jodi, my ex-classmate

Me and Zi Sing

Sigh...I'm going to miss them alot. All of these will etch to form memories that I will cherish it for the rest of my life. My commitment for the past 5 and a half years alongside with you all will surely be a memorable one. Thank you all of you! I love you guys! It's time to move on......

P/s : I wanna take this opportunity to congratulate my honey because she has been promoted to a higher rank in her Persatuan Pandu Puteri too. *hugs* <3

That's all folks

-Cheerz-

(Sad Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

Unlucky Day(s)!

Gosh, is it my luck or what? So many unlucky things happened to me in just 1 night. Well, not actually 1 night, it's 2 to be exact.

Alright, lemme head straight to the point. First, my telephone line got fried by lightning strikes yesterday. I put an 's' in front of strike is because my house wasn't struck by lightning at all, but somehow my telephone line got fried by it. I remembered it was in the afternoon when me and my friend went for a haircut and the rain started pouring, followed by the rumbling of thunders. When I got home, the main telephone line got fried and couldn't even be used to call. There goes my internet too. Another unlucky yet funny incident happened at the same time. Guess what, my TV got fried too, making me unable to play my ps2. Although I got an extra TV downstairs, it's quite a burden to bring it up to my room again though. Just now I said it's funny because ONLY my TV got fried, but not the others. I got woofers, modems and laptop adapters in that power source but ONLY my TV got fried. And the funniest thing is that the TV is made from CHINA! Even my woofers which is connected to the same socket as the TV wasn't affected at all, still working well, funny eh? So guys, beware of TV appliances made from CHINA xD

Then today, after I got back from Swinburne, I was happy to see that my line was fixed already. But that's not the end of it. My Sony VAIO laptop, just bought about half a year ago, ended up haywired. My laptop wasn't able to startup because one of the boot files went missing all of a sudden. I did troubleshooting but it was to no avail either. Tomorrow I'm bringing it for repair, hope that my files in it don't get reformatted. I haven't backup my important files into my handy drive yet, and the worse part is I have 2 more assignments to be completed within 3 weeks time, gosh this is just so not my day~~! Hope my files are not reformatted, or else I'll be K.O-ed! I have to use my 5 years old old laptop again, imagine how much different it is from my VAIO laptop (>.<)" And now I have problem connecting to the internet because the connection is not stable. Sigh...The least thing I should be happy about is that I'm still able to play dota(very laggy when using my old laptop) with my friends and chat with her online ^.^

Oh well, hope that today all of this will end quickly and painless. Pray that my laptop will be recovered as soon as possible *fingers crossed*

P/s: I would also like to thank my honey because I was so fired up just now that I literally banged the table due to angriness. But she was there to calm me down and accompanied me through the angry moments PATIENTLY. With her patience and care, I manage to came back to my senses and became normal again. Thank you honey! *hugs*

-Over and Out-
(Speechless Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

Freed from the onslaught!

Lol, why onsluaght? Well, I call exams as onslaughts because the examinations really kill, and the worse part is the exams are set at odd times, 3 exams are all at night! If you guys read my previous post I'm sure you'll get what I meant. Anyways, the exams are over, left the finals in another 3 weeks or so. But well, at least I can rejoice and break a leg, it's been quite hectic and stressful for the past 3 weeks, no joking. Whenever I took five, i'll always think about the upcoming exams, whether I finished covering up the topics or not, yada yada yada - Exam Fever ~.~

Since it's all over already, I'm gonna indulge myself into some games and outings. Well, tchyeah, I've got planning in the afternoon already, fast eh? Lolx! Gonna hang out with besties for a movie and have a long chit-chat in a cafe I guess.

Gosh! Look at the time, I must get ready now. I will update my blog once I got the time and idea. Catch ya'll later~

-Over and Out-
(Relieved Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

Emotion v.s Reality

What the freak, I really don't know what's happening to me. Is it because of stress? Or because of certain unexplainable feeling developing deep in me. I myself too am not sure what is the cause. I hate being clouded with the feeling of hatred, jealousy and despair. And it got worse if it's all mixed up into 1 that cause me to have an emotional breakdown. I tend to be so emotionless, and destructive. Little things that made me unhappy will cause me to be engulfed in flames, while unpleasant memories or encounters will make me feel dejected. Maybe I'm overeacting or so, but all of these feelings are spontaneous, without prior notice I'm already begining to feel emotional. Words that came out from my mouth didn't go through my brain at all, and therefore my harsh attitude hurt the people that I cared so much. And the sad thing is my old method of not getting emotional is by sleeping. And it didn't work! Gosh!

How nice if we are able to erase our memories and turn over a new leaf? Start all over again from scratch, forgetting the past and fully utilize the future to be a fruitful one. Sometimes I really wished that those nuisance can really get out of my life because almost all the problems and miseries that happen in my life is due to them. It's quite ironic actually to let 'them' take control of your whole instead of your self-consciousness. I seriously felt so down until I feel like rendering on all the pain and sadness. Futhermore saturday is the day that I supposed to be enjoying it with her, but sadly to say I've accidentally hurt her. I always try to avoid chatting with my cherished ones as to not hurt their feelings, but it seems that avoiding too can be torturing as well. Sigh...Luckily she understood what I was going through and instead of being disappointed with me, she gave me air so that I could breathe again. *hugs* <3

So, to those who helped me to pull myself back together again, especially my honey, my 2 foster sisters and Chee Ling (ex-classmate), thank you for being there with me. I know my words seems to be a little harsh while chatting with you guys, I seriously didn't mean it at all. Oh well, just hope that history won't repeat itself tomorrow when I open my eyes. *fingers crossed*

-Over and Out-
(Emotional Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

Study-Mode Activitated

Lolx, I know the title of this post sounds weird, but this month I will be activating my 'study mode' (doesn't sound like me eh?) This month, Swinburne will be bombarding 5 exams, which are Engineering Maths Quiz, Engineering Maths Test, Physics Test, Information Technology Test and General Maths Test. (Note : Yeap, There's 2 papers for Engineering maths, the quiz and test.) Besides that, we also have 2 assignments to be done, an English Arguementative Essay and Information Technology Web Designing assignment.

Engineering Maths itself is one hell of a killer. The lecturer always 'solo-laugh' (quoted from my coursemate Boon Han) while teaching, leaving us students completely blank with whatever he was teaching. AND, his voice is miserably soft, I think the mice could win him (metaphors). I'm using soft is because his voice is SOFT, not LOW! Meaning he talks like a girl's pitch although he has a sound of a man -.- So thcyeah, I'm proud to say that my Engineering Maths will be a total disaster this time *polishes coffin* x.x

Physics and General Maths test ain't that bad, so far i'm able to keep up with the pace. Just hope that I don't get into those frequent careless mistakes that I always did in the previous exams. But lucky for us, IT test is basically testing one's adaptation in using Microsoft Words and Excel. Not much of hassle there too. But guess what, all of these exams are cramped into 2 miserable weeks. And we have to go back to Swinburne in the afternoon and night just to sit for those exams. *sigh*

Assignments can really wore you down. Luckily for Foundation in Engineering and Science students, we only got 2 assignments. I heard from my friend who is taking up Foundation in Designing got 4 assignments, but with less exams of course. I have to hand in an argumentative essay in 2 weeks time from now and another 6-page web designing assigment next month. And mark my words, these assignments are not peanuts, it may sound easy but it's actually tougher than it looks. The arguementative itself requires you to do research to collect evidences and proofs to complement your arguements in the essay while not plagiarizing. The 6 page web-design requires us to create a website for a bakery to promote their confactioneries online. Tough eh? Welcome to university life (>.<)"

I gotta strive to achieve a Distinction or a High Distinction if possible. Don't wanna waste money on re-sitting or re-taking the subject again. God bless me~ *fingers crossed*

I'll sidetrack a little here. This coming Saturday Swinburne will be having a ball called the SwinNight, I thought of bringing her as my date that night, but too bad the tickets got sold off in an instant. I remembered asking Joanne, my coursemate to book 2 tickets for me but she gave it to her *erHem* (clears throat) instead xD Sigh! Oh well~ Enjoy yourselves dude~!

P/s : I miss my honey very much =P

-Over and Out-
(Stressed Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;

Tags! *starts banging head on table*

I don't know I've done how many tags within this 2 months ~.~ Anyways, I was tagged by my other mei Gloria Law. Well..erm..here it goes (-.-)"

Upload your fave picture and answer the question below.

Why did you choose the photo?
- No Idea why? Maybe because she told me that this photo looks nice?

When was the last time you ate pizza?
- 2 weeks ago I guess?

The last song you've listened to?
- Halo by Beyonce

What are you doing besides answering this tag?
- Chatting

Besides your own name, how do you like people to call you?
- Panda Bear (*secret*). Boss, Tauke (Because of my looks last time, serious and old ~.~), F**ker (Because of my last name which ALMOST rhymes with it), Pingu (A nickname given by Fiona).

Tag 6 person, the following questions are related to them.
1)Fiona Ong a.k.a Tortoise
2)Joanne Lim
3)Jacqueleen Kho
4)Julia a.k.a Suku Mei
5)Jessie Chai
6)Lee Zi Sing

Who is number 1?
- My close friend and foster sister from Klang

No.3 has a relationship with?
- So far....I don't know?

Say something about number 5.
- She loves to hit people! Very aggressive XD

How about number 4?
- My extremely close foster sister in Kuching.

Who is number 2?
- My coursemate~

Say something to number 6.
- Yo? ~.~ (lame)

That's about it! Gotta continue my assignment.....Killing me~!!! XD

-Over and Out-
(Busy Kelvin)

Just one of my fantasies-- ;